Stop wearing bourgeois USC gear at CSUN

Photo Illustration by Gabriel Ivan Orendain-Necochea
Photo Illustration by Gabriel Ivan Orendain-Necochea

Brothers! Sisters! Comrades!

While high lifting the banner of International Proletarianism we do while heartily engaged in labors as shoulder to shoulder with you, Comrade McLauchlinovich must pull you into the aside! Staunch warning, Brother McLauchlinovich has for you!

Take heed, brothers and sisters! For enemy of Northridge University of California State Proletariat has infiltrated student-workers! Capitalist running-dogs and cossacks are among very rank and file of Great Northridge Collective! So brazen they are, that these oppressors of the masses proudly display their name for all to see! But Comrade McLauchlinovich warn you!

Enemy will be known by his name! Enemy is University of Spoiled Children! Enemy is USC!

While looking around campus of Northridge at torsos of students by the many, Comrade McLauchlinovich is dismayed to see T-shirts of “Trojans” in great and proliferate numbers!

Worker-brothers and sisters must know! Trojans of Spoiled Children University control means of production! Petit bourgeois seek to exploit student-workers of Northridge Collective!

Nose of Spoiled Children is looked down upon when gaze they fix on “mere public school” State University California student!

Heed warning of Worker-Brother McLauchlinovich! Some day in future none too distant, Spoiled Child will be working with you in building of office. Spoiled Child may appear to be Comrade! But cannily, claw his way up to middle management he will! Soon, parasitic exploiter of masses will be giving you orders! Sweat from your brow will he take credit for! Many the TPS reports you will prepare in his name! Nemesis of yours he will become! Your “Dwight from The Office” he will be!

For munificent benefit, however, of great student masses, bookstore of Northridge occasionally offer great and proletarian alternative to evil “USC” shirt. Offer is made to all comrades who will come forward! Exchange gear of Trojan labeling—or any other institution university of masses exploiting—for free similar gear bearing proud Northridge name of Matador!

Former evil exploitist clothing must be “gently used,” so that fruits of labor—and Fruit of the Loom—may then be passed to less fortunate comrades in shelter of homeless or store of Goodwill. Truly, in this, your duty to brothers and sisters is fulfilled doubly!

Alas, as gears of capitalism are oiled with blood of workers, kind bookstore of Northridge has no plans current to make offer at specific time near. Comrades! Rally to good bookstore of Northridge collective! Encourage proletarian brothers and sisters there to become, once again, true vanguards of the people! Lift high their spirits with encouragement and joy in their toils while buying “Scantron.” While at it, poke Associated Students in ribs and ask them for funding, as kind vanguards of duly and properly elected government of students have offered support of finances for program previous! Once again, the banner must be raised for the good of all!

Brother and sister workers! The call goes out! Cast off your chains! Rid your strong proletarian back of vestige of evil! “Trojans” no more to be emblazoned across your torso! Look at what Spoiled Children University has given unto world: Film students of great pretentiousness! Fraternities of Roofie! Simpson of O.J.! All bad!

As always, eternal struggle against oppressors of masses continue. Comrade McLauchlinovich bid you good fortune and good work.

Do svidaniya!

—Da! Celebratory vodka Jimitri McLauchlinovich will have with American cousin Jim McLauchlin when finally day come when republic for working class and economic liberty proliferate!

  • Vlad K

    Hilarious article, and of course it goes over everyone’s heads.

    Comprad Vlad

  • Jon Soto 952

    Communist colors and lingo are disgraceful and dis-tastful. They are offensive to anyone who has fled the tyranny of communism.

  • S. Crisp

    The proliferation of USC and UCLA gear on campus is annoying and I wish it could be solved, but this article, which I guess is supposed to be humorous, misses the mark.

  • Joe Hill

    Great stuff! To bad so many of those posting comments here don’t get it!

  • Guest

    No wonder why CSUN’s facilities (and school pride) stinks compared to USC. It’s basically the Soviet Union to the USC’s USA. After this article, I had even less Matador Pride and want to wear my USC t-shirt around CSUN even more. If a school has enough Soviet sympathies to the point where the school newspaper (which represents the school itself) was able to compare the school to the Soviet Union, that is not a school I want to be associated with at all.

  • Guest

    How many exclamation marks?! I counted 7 sentences that end in periods… distracts from the message.

  • Michelangelo_L

    I’ve personally never cared for having a bull fighter as our mascot, but I agree with Mac that it’s disturbing to see him in soviet colors. 

    As for the article itself, I’m concerned about the dislike of USC when we see plenty of UCLA clothing as well. Why is USC targeted? Is it because it is a nominal private school? I say nominal because in reality most private schools still receive incredibly high amounts of their funding from the government through both direct and indirect means. If we need to go bashing other schools, let’s at least go after them all.

    Not that we should be bashing anyone at all. One thing is to have pride in your school, and another is disliking other schools. 

    … And it might just be me, but this article is pretty dark for something in a school newspaper. 

  • BigMac

    I don’t think I can express how disgusted I am at seeing a hammer, sickle and communist star on the Matador, without swearing. Don’t be a putz. Be true to your school.