What came first, the chicken or the egg? If a tree falls in the woods and there’s no one around, does it make a sound? Can a heterosexual male and a heterosexual female be just friends? Some questions really do require some deep philosophical thinking.
Imagine this, you’re walking to class, minding your own business when BAM! You spot the hottest person you’ve seen in a while and you automatically think, “Gee—that really looks like someone I would like to start a deep and lifelong friendship with.” Yeah, right.
Ever since I was young I’ve been told, by my mother, that girls and boys cannot be just friends; that boys are only after one thing from a girl, and it isn’t a night of deep meaningful conversation.
And now, I can’t help but to battle within myself on whether my mother’s theory holds any water. On the one hand, I do personally have friends that happen to be of the male persuasion that I have never had any sort of romantic relationship with, and granted these same friends have made sexual innuendos at least once in our relationship. Still, we are nothing but friends.
But, I can’t also help thinking that maybe some guys I’ve encountered really were after one thing. The moment I made it clear that I wasn’t giving up anything but advice and insight, it was like I didn’t exist anymore.
So, can guys and girls just be friends? Before I even attempt a conclusion to this, I have to ask: Why would a guy/girl want to start a friendship with the opposite sex in the first place?
On behalf of many females out there, I can say that without a doubt, the major appeal of having a male friend is simply based on variation. A lot of the time girls become so fed up with each other that a friend of the opposite sex is refreshing.
Guys also offer a new outlook on many topics, and truthfully, a male’s sense of humor can greatly differ from a female’s.
On the other hand, I can only assume the reasons why guys would opt for a girl as a friend. Common interests seem to be the strongest basis of any boy-girl friendship.
When a guy discovers that a girl spends just as much time playing Call of Duty on Xbox Live as he does, or knows Tom Brady’s passer rating from two seasons ago, I can almost guarantee that they will have something to talk about.
Alright, so even if a girl finds a guy she can talk to and a guy finds a girl he can play video games with, does the friendship stay strictly platonic?
Not necessarily. Chances are one or the other will eventually develop some sort of romantic/physical/intimate feelings for the other. There’s no fighting it, it’s just human nature, and we’re sexually driven beings, right?
But I think the real problem lies within how people handle the non-platonic feelings that’s tainted the boy-girl friendship. People, guys and girls alike, have a weird tendency to just run the other way rather than deal with all the feelings.
Speaking from personal experience, I was one of those people who hot-footed it out of the way of someone who expressed even the slightest romantic interest in me when I didn’t share those feelings. My friend Eric has liked me since we were both in high school.
When he graduated, two years before me, it was like his feelings only intensified. At first I didn’t take him too seriously, because I saw him as an older brother type and knew that he wasn’t what I am looking for. But I quickly learned that his feelings were far beyond serious.
There was a period where I would try to avoid him all together because I was the one who was uncomfortable with the overwhelming expression of like. Then one day I finally decided to face the music and tell him flat out that I didn’t see anything happening between us.
To my surprise he completely understood. I like to believe that our friendship meant more to the both of us than “uncomfortable feelings.” I guess sometimes a person just can’t help how another person feels. You shouldn’t throw away every friendship that may or may not develop into something else.
So what’s to be done for those who would rather not deal? Set ground rules and clarify that the relationship must always remain platonic prior to everything? Should guys and girls constantly check that they are on the same page? Talk about awkward.
I can honestly say that I have sought out a male’s friendship without developing any type of romantic feelings for him. I may just be one of the lucky ones, but I’ve always known right off the bat what kind of relationship I’m looking for with a person.
But it’s not like we can all go around predetermining what friendships we want to start. That would just be ridiculous.
So I think I’ve come to the point where I can try and answer the ultimate question on whether or not guys and girls can be just friends. The answer is yes. And no.
The general consensus that I stumbled upon was that it all depends on the individual. This came in close second to the idea that guys and girls were able to stay just friends after they were romantically involved. But then, why were they involved in such a way in the first place?