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Long distance relationship vs. Greek life

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Photo Courtesy of MCT

Question:

Dear Life & Style,

I’m currently in a long distance relationship with a wonderful guy, and things are going great. However, I’m new to CSUN and want to make the most out of my college experience by getting invovled. I’m considering joining a sorority, but I’m a little hesistant because I am not sure how it will affect my relationship. What should I do?

-Undecided

Answer:

Dear Undecided,

The real question is, do you want to keep your boyfriend? Sororities are great for meeting your bridesmaids, making professional contacts for the near future, and living the stereotypical college experience. Trust me I’ve been there, done that. But I was single.

I wouldn’t recommend associating yourself with fraternities and party scenes under any circumstances as a taken woman.

Long-distance relationships thrive on trust and I’m not saying that becoming a “sorority girl” would make you untrustworthy but it’ll cause emotional turmoil for your man nonetheless, maybe even insomnia.

The combination of alcohol and interaction with boys other than your beau doesn’t exactly scream relationship success. You wouldn’t want the guilt trip via your conscience each time you put on another sexy themed outfit paired with coats of mascara for those nights out with the girls.

It’d be unfair to you both. He’d turn into a jealous control-freak and you’d be limited from living the Greek lifestyle in its entirety. You’ll be shoved into temptation while he’s worried from afar. It’s the epitome of what some might call a recipe for disaster.

Not to mention, to call sorority involvement time consuming would be an understatement. Imagine a jam-packed social calendar including meetings, mixers, and philanthropy events aside from classes and homework. God forbid you exercise and eat. Let’s face it, once you dedicate your free time to over 50 girls, your boyfriend will most likely be left in the dust.

With the pressure to impress and expectations to uphold, you’ll stop having time for video chats and phone calls. Your weekends will be too busy planning, shopping, bonding, and celebrating. You’ll visit each other less and less due to more and more time constraints and distractions. Your cell phone will be so overwhelmed with new contacts you’ll accidentally forget to text him back or start a conversation at all.

Emotional absence paired with physical distance is the perfect ingredient for brewing a breakup. He’ll start questioning your loyalty, intentions, and future as a couple. A man can only take so many rain checks, right?

Keeping the spark alive is work. Regardless of how strong your love is, no matter how understanding he may seem, even if he’s in a fraternity on his college campus, you being in a sorority would likely change the dynamic of your relationship for the worse.

Everything else aside, sororities are expensive. Any extra cash you might receive through your parents, holiday cards, or extra work hours will most likely go towards a new party dress, T-shirts displaying fraternity support, crafting materials, sister dinners, your sorority’s memorabilia and tickets for various events. All in addition to your semester dues.

Needless to say, you wouldn’t have much money left over for plane tickets or gas to visit nor birthday presents or just-because gifts to express your love for your boyfriend whose miles away. If he’s a keeper, dates and mini vacations are, in most cases, paid for but, your time commitment to your sisters could consistently get in the way.

If you want to get involved there are other options. You might consider volunteer opportunities, or student government as well. Maybe even apply for a job through the university.

There are other options that possess all the qualities you, as a new student, might be looking for in an attempt to meet fresh faces while being an advocate of on-campus involvement.

If you want the bond of sisterhood, run over to rush. If you want anything to do with true love, run away. Fast.

5 Comments

  1. Mimi Sep 29, 2010

    Dude, this is really a shallow analysis of the issue and all around just awful advice. You think issues concerning jealousy, trust or control will magically appear because she chooses to rush a sorority, but not by going away to college alone? PLEASE.

    Don’t let whoever writes this garbage put the responsibility entirely on you to maintain what you think is a good relationship. If he can’t sleep at night because HE can’t trust you with new friends or at parties (because parties are only for the Greek system, amirite?) then that’s on him. Make the most out of YOUR college experience, whatever you decide that means to you.

    Talk with him about it, and talk it over. Honestly, if you’re concerned about going Greek and all the things that entails affecting your long-distance relationship, but not about going away to college and all the things that entails affecting your long-distance relationship then it wouldn’t hurt to re-evaluate this relationship.

    You guys need to chill out with the stereotypes and your anti-Greek bias. Or at least make it less obvious, ya’ll aren’t even trying anymore…seriously. And this is coming from someone who associates with the Greek system, didn’t go Greek, and is in a committed relationship with someone who did (and is a feminist, chew on THAT Sun Dial!).

  2. EJP Sep 28, 2010

    Horrible advice. Unless you’re unfaithful to begin with, you can make the two commitments work. Besides, the two can be completely unrelated. And rushing a sorority doesn’t exactly cut you off from the rest of the world.

    Who writes this bullsh*t? Oh right, the Sun Dial.

  3. Bill Sep 24, 2010

    Honestly, what does long distance relationships have to do with Greek Life? The heading should have been geared towards “school life”. There was just a brief note she was thinking of joining a “Sorority”. Sorority could be replaced with other groups like sports, drama, music, etc.

    It would have been nice to see this answered as a male/female viewpoint. liked to have a male perspective.

    The bottom-line is are you committed or not to the relationship and willing to work at it?

  4. Arby Sep 24, 2010

    I agree with Mona P. this isn’t the best advice. That just screams bias!

    If you want to join a sorority, it’s your choice and your boyfriend should support you in your personal and collegiate endeavors. If he trusted you enough to even commit to a long distance relationship, he should trust that you can make the right decisions at sorority functions and socials.

    I myself am in the same situation. I’m in a sorority and I have a long distance boyfriend. It’s hard because, it’s true, sororities have the reputation of temptation and promiscuity, but you don’t have to give into that stereotype. Just because you’re in a sorority doesn’t mean you’re going to sleep around and cheat on your boyfriend. If you really love him and want things to work, you’ll be loyal. THAT WORKS BOTH WAYS. Yes, it might change the dynamic of your relationship, but relationships shift.

    He should support you and vice versa. You wouldn’t want him to pass up an opportunity for brotherhood either, would you?

    Take it one day at a time, Rush and see what the sororities on campus are all about. You’ll find that being committed and loyal won’t be that hard. Yes, sororities are time consuming, but there are always ways to work around that.

    Think positive! Try new things! There’s nothing wrong with living for YOU!

  5. Mona P Sep 23, 2010

    TERRIBLE advice! Chances are, you’re not going to marry this guy anyway, so you’re giving up a wonderful chance to meet and bond with the best friends of your life.. you’re giving up wonderful experiences, all because you’re worried about a long distance relationship which probable isn’t going to last anyway. NEVER change your life for a man, and never, ever give up your hobbies and interests for him. Be yourself, live your dreams. A guy who truly loves you will respect you for it. By all means, go through rush! Don’t kick yourself 20 years later when you realize what you gave up.

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