During a night of college partying, Haley Dunphy gets busted by police for underage drinking, assaulting an officer and resisting arrest on Wednesday’s “Modern Family.” Claire, Phil and Mitchell, the token lawyer, take an early-morning trip to post her bail and retrieve her from jail.

Naturally, the whole family finds their way into troublesome situations. Cam steps up to take care of Alex and Luke while their parents are fetching Haley, and Luke has an allergic reaction to Cam’s soy “fauxcon,” faux, fake bacon. Rather than taking a routine trip to school, Cam shuffles the kids to the hospital. Meanwhile, Jay receives a visit from his former wife DeDe who is oblivious to Gloria’s pregnancy. Jay effortlessly tries to remove DeDe, Gloria’s nemesis, before his wife returns home, but alas, Gloria barges through the door to greet DeDe’s presence.

Somehow, DeDe finds Gloria’s impending motherhood to make her less of a trophy wife and more human according to Jay, but he becomes the brunt of the conversation. DeDe recounts how Jay failed to be around as a father the first time around. Back at college, Haley is forced to meet with disciplinarians at a board meeting to decide if her time at school will be cut short after her late-night charade with the police. Phil, the calm and collected father in emergency situations, finally tells Haley that she needs to be responsible for her actions and own up to her mistakes.

This sobering reality check brings Haley to a state of enlightenment, and she decides that it is time to grow into adulthood. Nevertheless, her maturing is a little too late, and  the school sends her packing. Gloria tells Jay that she fears his absence from the rearing of his first three kids is a precursor to the baby to come. But what DeDe failed to mention, Jay brings to light: he was busy working as hard as he could in years prior because the family was living paycheck to paycheck. Now that he is well-off, his time will be spent with Gloria, Manny, and the baby. At the end of the day through jail and ex-wives, two things are certain: family sticks together and Cam’s bacon is blacklisted.