Winter Time Blues

Stephanie Stanziano / Columnist

There’s something about the cold weather that makes people want to fall in love. Maybe it’s the non-stop playing of different movies where two people end up making out under the mistletoe, or the impractical commercials advertising cute puppies and hot guys hiding jewelry on snowmen for their girlfriends. Personally, I believe it’s because everyone gets sick and then too high on NyQuil to understand that they are actually even in a relationship. Nonetheless, the holiday season seems to sprout new relationships like weeds out of the ground, leaving those of us who were still single wondering “where the hell is my cuddle buddy?” But, the more I asked myself that question, the more I realized that he wasn’t around because deep in the black depths of my frozen heart I knew that the idea of him was going to end up being a million times better than the actual him. Also, that my winter would most likely end with him leaving, causing me to eat a carton of Talenti Carmel Cookie Crunch ice cream all to myself. I knew my imaginary boyfriend and I wouldn’t break up because I’m not amazingly witty, fun, and attractive, but because that’s the thing about falling in love in the winter, the second the heat makes it too hot to hold hands is the second he’s running away from you and to the girl doing a million squats at the SRC.

Perfect example-My friend Jamie

I have this friend, his name is Jamie, and he’s what I like to call an eternal bachelor; totally respectful to women, good looking, great personality, but not the type to want to settle down, ever! So you can imagine my surprise when he comes up to me and says “Steph, find me a winter girlfriend.” Hearing the word “girlfriend” come out of his mouth was enough to make me think he had a concussion, but once I got over my initial shock I asked him why he only wanted one for the winter. His answer proved what I had already believed. “Because the cold weather makes me lazy so I figure I’ll settle down for a while, get laid whenever, with no effort, and then get some presents before I move on.” Now I’m not saying that every relationship started is about to crumble faster than the gingerbread house you built together, but it’s a solid thing to take into consideration. I know that as you text him to hangout to make sure he’s still interested, you couldn’t possibly imagine not having someone to binge watch the latest Netflix series with, but just remember that you lived before him. And, if the end does come you will live without him, Just look at how the rest of us got along without anyone. Personally, I got to buy more presents for myself, that I actually wanted. I wasn’t forced to pretend that I really liked the tri-colored slippers that he would have bought me. I got to spend time with my friends and actually came around to realizing that on a very rare occasion my family isn’t filled with complete psychopaths. I got to watch the whole season premier of the Bachelor, without having to flip back and forth to sports center to keep him from bitching. And on an even better note, with the exception of the random booty calls, I didn’t have to shave.

All in all, I would say that being alone this winter was pretty damn great. If you agree, it’s not too late to try and be single. Spring fever is around the corner anyways, we’ll all be back on the backwards saddle in no time.