Last week was boring. Either CSUN students are doing something right and decided to act like adults, or they just forgot how to have fun. Highlights include no drinking or drug violations but there are bicycle thefts.

Without further adieu, here is the down and dirty on CSUN.

Alcohol/Drug Violations:

None. You’ve heeded the calls of the Sundial Crime Log, or are just saving it for St. Patrick’s Day.

Assault/Battery:

Two starstruck lovers fell from grace and got into an argument in the G3 parking lot which ended in one of them hitting the other last Wednesday.

And so close to Valentine’s Day.

Car Crimes:

If you’re driving without a license, you can only get so “Fast and Furious” before getting busted by the cops. Some genius thought it was a good idea to take a car as fast as they could last Friday and were pulled over.

Someone else was busted for driving without a license last Wednesday and another person got busted for driving on a suspended one. Look, if you don’t have a license then don’t drive a car. You can’t drive, figuratively and legally.

Another incident saw the crime of driving recklessly in the G3 parking lot done “right.” They got away before the cops got there.

Registering your car sucks and paying for parking tickets sucks, but you gotta do it and if you don’t then the police apprehend your ride. This is what happened to someone Monday who initially got stopped for displaying false tags and then got busted for a butt-load of unpaid parking tickets.

In Case You Missed It: Last week’s crime blotter

Theft/Burglary:

Someone stole the back tire off of a bicycle Saturday night near the University Park Apartment building three. The bike was secured properly with a U-lock but the thief managed to make off with something. Police are still investigating the case.

Another bike was stolen outside Sierra Hall Wednesday and the same thing happened to another person at the Oviatt Library Tuesday.

In all, six bikes were stolen last week.

In a twist of irony, someone did lock up their bicycle but they secured wrong and the police cited them for locking it on the side of the Oviatt Thursday. Smooth move, Lance Armstrong.

Crazy crap goes down near or on the University Village Apartment on Lassen Street and Zelzah Avenue.

On Friday a resident of the UVA managed to fend off an angry assailant from entering their home. The suspect was known to the victim and used a stolen keycard to enter the complex all while violating a restraining order. When the victim warded off the first assault the victim came back and broke a window, fleeing shortly thereafter. The investigation is ongoing.

What are parking permit’s now $500 a day plus your right arm? Someone left their car unlocked Wednesday and their parking pass was taking out of it. That sucks bra, but you should know better.

Who doesn’t have a cell phone nowadays? And, who would be stupid enough to steal one? Someone let a thief use their cellphone who ended up running off with it last Wednesday.

Journalism students know the pain of having to drop a couple hundred bucks on a iPad that you’re going to use very rarely and probably learn nothing really profound about. So it sucks when someone steals. This happened to a someone Tuesday while they stepped out of the room. Apple should reimburse you for the stupid thing.

Vandalism:

On Saturday someone used lipstick to deface a sign posted on a fence. Let’s think about this one. In all, it was probably just stupid vandalism and there is nothing more to it. But what if it was more than that. What if the person was trying to get at something deeper. Maybe even suggesting that we share some primal sexuality with symbols? Signs can literally fuck us. When a cop pulls up behind you and flashes the red and blue, you know you’re fucked. When you pee on that little stick and it turns blue or whatever, same deal.

But maybe the bandits’ action have another meaning. Perhaps a social commentary on the movie “50 Shades of Grey”?

People just hated windows last week. Someone broke a window on the third floor in UPA building 4 Friday. It happens.

How many times must the Sundial say this – if you’re going to do graffiti at least make it something worth looking at. Don’t do it like the butthole in parking lot G10 who half-assed something on a rail last Sunday. No one cares and no, you don’t get a cookie.

Consensus:

CSUN has improved from the past couple of weeks. Kudos.