I can’t even begin to explain the countless times men have approached me at a bar or nightclub with hopes of getting my number, and all they really got was a dirty look and my wandering eyes scanning for the nearest restroom. Or the numerous incidents where a random guy has suddenly decided it would be ok to get behind me on the dance floor and rub up on me without even asking, and all he got was an evil stare and an elbow rammed into his ribs.
I’m sure many women can relate and I am here to give the men a few tips that might help you reputation for rejection.
For starters it’s important to remember that for most women there is a negative stigma attached to picking up at a bar. Her first instinct might be that this guy just wants to make out with her by the end of the night or even take her home with him. Not that he wants to have interesting conversation or be her friend. This automatically forces women to put up a shield warding off all men who come on to them the wrong way. Yes, there is a wrong way. Now, I am no expert and this is only my opinion of what has and has not worked for me.
Get her attention – Use your eyes but do not gawk, or ogle and stare her up and down. Some men may think this should be flattering to women, but you can’t expect her to take you seriously when you’ve just treated her like a centerfold. Eye contact is a great flirting tool that creates mystery, and a level of intrigue. A deep stare, a flirty smile, and a simple hello will convey your attraction with much more class.
Change your approach – Make her feel it not hear it. Making her feel beautiful will have a stronger effect than just telling her. Be intrigued by her beauty not her body. Don’t make the mistake of telling her how hot, sexy or fine she looks. Telling her she looks beautiful isn’t bad or wrong but tell her when it feels right and most of all when it’s appropriate. If in your vocabulary of pick-up phrases there is anything that begins with “Damn girl you look good tonight,” remove it immediately. As a matter of fact just throw away any pick-up lines or phrases you think will get the ladies. They won’t. Use your judgment in context and do what feels right without trying too hard. In my opinion, introducing yourself and letting it go from there works best. A sense of humor is great but if it’s not you, don’t force it.
Be confident not arrogant – Your approach has to be super smooth, with your confidence high and your conversation light. Now, when I say smooth I don’t mean slick and suave, just relaxed and friendly. Don’t act like you are the hottest thing around but know what your worth and she’ll feel it.
Be attentive not overbearing – Pay attention to her if you like her but don’t crowd her or be overbearing. Give her space. Give her a chance to go back to her friends or take a break from you. Don’t stand in the corner by yourself and wait for her to come back, but don’t ignore her as if you’ve completely lost interest. Get involved and socialize with people around, such as your friends or even her friends. Being social and willing to spark up conversation will make you seem fun and friendly. And remember, keep the eye contact. It will keep her aware of your attraction and continued interest.
Diana Gutierrez can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.