What is with people and not communicating, especially in relationships? What ever happened to humans being the most social animals? Poor communication skills can damage all your relationships. This can affect your performance at work, your self-confidence and your physical health.

Misunderstandings are caused by this lack of communication and are the basis for problems between people. The form of communication can be a call or e-mail and any other way that one could have contact with the other person.

For example, when a couple is unable to effectively discuss their feelings and ideas together, their relationship may eventually break down.

If you are experiencing problems in your relationship and because of a lack of communication skills you inappropriately attempt to share your feelings, you may experience even more rejection, hurt and misunderstanding. This could result in your avoiding intimate communication and putting up emotional walls.

A friend of mine broke up with his girlfriend because of communication or the lack thereof. He said that when they didn’t communicate, they didn’t really know what was going on anymore. When you are in a relationship it is a sort of unwritten rule that you talk to the person at least once a day to make sure that he/she is ok. It can be a way to show affection to just call to say “hi.”

When you are in a relationship it is expected that each person share his/her feelings, daily routine, all of those considerations that scream “long-term relationship.” If I were looking for a friend of mine, I would first call her significant other because he should know where she is or what her schedule is like.

Another friend of mine is glued to the phone. When she calls her boyfried, she wants to know exactly what he is doing, while he couldn’t be more vague. Here is a sample conversaton:

Girl: “So, what are you doing?”

Boy: “Watching TV.”

Girl: “What are you watching?”

Boy: “A music video.”

Can you guess the next question she asked?

Communication doesn’t mean that you have to know what your partner is doing or watching at every moment of the day. Communication just means that you keep in touch, talk about your ups and downs, and make sure that you and your partner are on the same page.

Your relationship with those around you has a great impact on many aspects of your life. The essence of relationships is communication. Sometimes communication becomes blocked when you can’t put your feelings into words, or when your partner speaks but you do not listen.

We stare helplessly across at our partners in deep silence, or in frustration we hurl attacks that drive us further apart. Working on communication skills helps us to break through this sort of impasse. We should all take a step back and focus on communicating better.

Girls, don’t be glued to the phone. And boys, call your girl and don’t be overly vague.

Maliha Jafri can be reached at maliha.jafri.18@csun.edu.