Valentine’s Day provides an occasion to show someone exactly how special they are to you, rather you are in a relationship or single. However, what about those with wounds from previous relationships preventing them from enjoying the festivities?
Break-ups can be especially hard for men who are not conditioned to love or feel. Instead, socialization teaches us to exist in autonomy from the first time we fall and our older brother tells us to shake it off.
The truth is, when men do find a member of the opposite sex worth sacrificing our autonomous comfort zone, they have the opportunity to destroy our world once they leave.
After my own relationship of more than two years ended, I got plenty of expert advice. “Why are you tripping, it is just a girl? It will be okay, there are plenty of women out there.” My friends said as they tried to voice their opinion on my devastation.
GQ and Sports illustrated do not give men tips on how to get over an ex love. Tumblr and Twitter don’t usually write inspirational quotes for men to cure a broken heart as those mediums are usually saved for the ladies.
Luckily, I am here to simplify the process of getting over someone, as I have been there myself.
Moving on is an ongoing process but my five steps will help make your transition out of heartbreak that much easier, no matter how masculine or feminine you are.
Swallow your pride
As much as you thought you two would have babies, maybe it was just not meant to be. Swallowing your ego is the first critical component to improving yourself and being better for the next person.
Whatever went wrong, happened for a reason. You were not perfect, and you could have been better the same way they could have.
Face the facts that you were wrong about choosing them as the one. Start envisioning a future without them. Even though It might be the most difficult thing to do, humbling yourself is the start to moving on.
Whatever you do, do it
A relationship causes you to think and consider another person, but your single now with a lot more time on your hands. Rediscover what you like to do as an I rather than a we.
For me, it was writing and working out. Not only did I lose thirty pounds but I also grew my blog posts exponentially.
The truth is, dwelling on the past is only making you sad. You might even consider picking up a new hobby you always thought about trying. Maybe this new found hobby is yoga or picking a book.
No matter how you spend your free time, it is better spent doing something you like rather than lurking her on social media or crying. Regardless, concentrate on the future and bettering yourself or your crafts.
Rekindle old relationships
Guess what, you are not in this alone. As cliche as it might sound, you have friends and family who love you.
Sure some of your boys might give you crap for being away, but most of your real friends are going to be happy that your back. While you were busy being in love, your friends were out having experiences and growing as people. Take this time to get to know your friends again and spend that disposable income on things you like to do with your friends. Go to concerts and sporting events like I did.
Whatever the case, make new memories with old friends because chances are they missed you. Not only will it give you some relief from grief, but you will remember how much people outside of your ex appreciated you.
One might be tempted to rush into a relationship with the first person who shows you attention and love, but do not take the bait. Nothing is going to fill the void inside of you left by your ex.
Instead, focus on finding something new and different. The only way to do that is to crush and flirt with everyone.
Remember elementary school when you crushed on every girl who played with you on the monkey bars, do that again. You do not need serious, you need fun.
Take this opportunity to flirt with that coworker and classmate you had your eye on even in your relationship. Even if it goes nowhere, enjoy the attention and enjoy the experience to grow your game.
Let it go
It did not work out but what is being bitter going to do about?
So what if they posted a picture with some other sweetie on Instagram? Nothing will ever erase the archive of memories you two created. Whatever they share perils in comparison to what you shared.
Even if they could share the love you guys had then good for them, people move on at their own pace. Your own time and love are worth more than theirs. Your time for love will come but you must remain patient.
At any rate, looking back only prevents you from moving forward. Forgiving is the final step to moving on and loving again.
Anyone who has been in a relationship knows how hard it is to get over one. Rather you are finally ready to love again or you just need to get over the Valentine’s blues, hopefully this list helps you get past your past.