He Said, She Said: What constitutes as cheating?


Cheating, while simple on the outside, can be extremely complex if you sit and think about it. Most people will say they know what cheating is and, if questioned, will give a somewhat hazy definition along the lines of having sex with someone other than your significant other.

But it turns out that the issue is really far more complex than that. Some people, including Bill Clinton, don’t consider oral sex as cheating. Some people don’t consider anal sex as cheating! That doesn’t make any sense to me, seeing as sex is in the name of the act. If the penetration of an orifice is involved, it counts as sex, people!

Then there’s the issue of kissing. It’s pretty obvious to me that making out with someone counts as cheating seeing as it’s, hopefully, the pre-cursor to sex. But what doesn’t count is a friendly peck on the cheek, or even on the lips. While there is the possibility of a “secret love” type friendly kiss, the vast majority are not. C’mon, we’ve all seen “The Godfather.” We all know the kiss of death, and that certainly wouldn’t count, regardless of the sex of the giver and receiver. It’s certainly not uncommon in other parts of the world to greet each other this way and even for some women in America.

Which brings up an issue very important when one is talking about women and cheating. Some men, though not all, do not consider two women having sex as cheating, especially if they are allowed to watch. Part of this has to do with the hope, probably in vain, that he will later be able to participate, but it also has to do with the fact that, for most men, the thought of woman-on-woman sex is just hot. Why is it hot? I have no idea. It just is. We can’t get enough of it.

And then there’s emotional cheating. A lot of people will tell you that a special connection with someone of your preferred sexual orientation other than your partner is cheating, but, from my point of view, this is ridiculous. While some of us can completely control our emotional state, most of us have trouble forcing ourselves to feel one way or another. When someone feels an emotional attraction to someone, it’s not something they can stop from happening any more than they can stop themselves from laughing when they’re tickled. Yes, it can be suppressed, but only for so long.

Not that it should be suppressed. While a truly platonic relationship with someone of your preferred sexual orientation is rare, that doesn’t mean a truly rewarding friendship couldn’t develop which helps both people to grow. If you’re really interested in a long term relationship with someone, if you really love them, then that is something you should want to promote. If your significant other is really committed to your relationship then throughout your relationship that friendship will remain just that, a friendship. If you don’t feel you can trust them to have that kind of relationship, then perhaps you need to work on your communication or something.

Of course, all of this may be entirely moot, depending on the relationship. For some people, even looking at a member of the opposite sex is too much. For others, having sex with whoever is cool as long as you still love the person you’re committed to. In the end, every couple needs to decide for themselves what they’re okay with and what is considered cheating.