Keeping in mind the attention on appropriate language used to express the overtly sexual and somewhat aggressive messages in popular music, this guide to copulation aims to offer some alternative forms of expression, both sexual and verbal. Henceforth, there will be more than sweating and grunting to knocking the boots and hitting the skins.

A nice place to start is with the box. In fact, from now on men and women should go ahead and proposition one another with the statement, “Let’s box,” because the kama sutra considers the Box to be highly recommended penetration within which both partners lie face to face. Bonus – it’s called the Closed Box when the man is on top.

Making the seemingly basic box pop relies on pressure, position and technique. To start off slow, try out the Bent, where the woman grasps and raises both thighs. To add what’s called Strong Pressure, press your legs against each other hard and, fellas, penetrate and thrust vigorously.

Once you tire of that bouncing, ladies, raise your legs and throw them over your man’s shoulders with your knee-joints resting on his shoulder – that’s called Gaping. Give that a go for a while before adding some spice with the Broken Flute.

In the Broken Flute position, ladies, extend one leg and rest it on his shoulder, keeping the other relaxed flat on the surface. At moderate speed, alternate legs on shoulders, kind of like pedaling a bike. Now is a good time to switch up the pressure.

First use Half Pressure, where the woman folds one leg against her chest and stretches the other out. Feel free to switch legs occasionally. After sweating that out a bit, go into High Pressure. While both her legs are folded against her chest, fellas, wrap your arms around your girl’s neck and press your chest down on her bent legs and chest while you thrust. Now might be a good time to move along to the Crab.

The Crab starts off with the woman lying on her back with her folded legs placed over her stomach. This position is easily enhanced by altering the woman’s technique. She can move into the Lotus, spreading her thighs and placing her right foot on her left thigh and her left foot on her right thigh, or she could work some vulva control with the Tight.

Ladies, when your man asks you to get tight, what he wants you to do is lift those legs in the air and cross them, either at the knees or at the ankle, restricting the space and feeling all the motion in the ocean. But enough of this horizontal stuff. Go find a sturdy wall and work out the Hanging.

Back your man up until he’s leaning against the wall, and fellas, hold your hands out and cup them like a seat for your lady. Girls, get up there on your throne and wrap your arms around your man’s neck. Stretch your legs out so your feet touch the wall and squeeze him in between your thighs.

If you’re a talented girl, or after you’ve had a lot of practice, you can whip the Mare out on him by rubbing your opening on his joystick then catching it into your love with barely a flick of the hips. But don’t digress, because it’s time to switch it up again and go for a Spin.

Once you’re tired of standing, fellas, have a seat and, ladies, sit on his lap – with him penetrating you deeply. Men, embrace your woman from behind, and grasp her firmly, then turn her around to face you. Do this all while remaining in position. After this thrill, ladies, get ready for another tingly sensation.

Get into the Cow, with the woman on the floor on all fours and the man holding her by the waist and entering her from behind. For more vulva control, ladies, try Blossoming. Lower your head and raise the vagina. Fellas, place your hands, one on top of the other, on the woman’s booty and have her wrap her legs around your hips on both sides. Enjoy.

When all is said and done, you’ve still got to round out this lust session like royalty. Fellas, sit your girl up on the bed and open up her thighs with both your hands. Place your thighs outside hers, with your knees at her side. Take your empress straight to bliss. This one’s called the Queen of Heaven.

All the pressures, positions and techniques here can be found in Alain Danielou’s translation of The Complete Kama Sutra.