Breaking up with a best friend

Photo credit: Paul Kingsley, Photo Editor

Question:

Dear Life & Style,

I just “broke up” with my best friend. I know it was for the best, but we’ve known each other for the majority of our childhoods. I feel sad and confused, like a piece of me is missing. How do I get over my best friend without my best friend?

–Best friends for-never

Answer:

It sounds like you’ve got a case of the breakup blues.

And I know first hand what you’re going through. I myself have thrown away what used to be a dynamic duo.

I know she was there when you needed a shoulder to cry on, when you had the best gossip to share, and when you needed advice on how to get the attention of that hottie in history class. She wasn’t afraid to tell you to put down the pint of Ben & Jerry’s.

It’s hard to imagine that someone you knew like the back of your hand, who could finish your sentences, and who took your side even if you were wrong, could become a total stranger.

But, for what it’s worth, you said yourself, it’s for the best. And it is.

If what she’s done is unforgivable, even if you’ve just grown apart, you need to trust your decision to sever these ties and trust me when I say, you’re better off.
Nobody needs a knife in their back or a ball and chain dragging them down and holding them back from reaching their full potential.

When you’re at a crossroad in your life, you have to choose one path or the other. Just because you chose to walk alone doesn’t mean you have to remain solo.

First step, stop second guessing. Then, start seeing all the world has to offer.

It’s true and it’s undeniable a best friend becomes your rock through years of secrets and sleepovers.

They know you like nobody else knows you, they get you. In a sense, they are you.

So, when the rock tumbles in a landslide it’s natural to feel out of control, like your world is crumbling at best.

But just remember, it’s just one rock. There’s more to you than your BFF. Plus, it’s not like your choice to next your friendship is set in stone.

If being hopeful helps, then recognize that later down the road you could always rekindle your bestie bond.

Two people that go through the traumatizing ups and downs of life’s rollercoasters together usually can’t help but always be there for each other.

That is, depending on what burst your BFF’s bubble in the first place.

But, in most cases, if they ever really needed you or vise versa, I’m sure you’d be able to hiatus the hard feelings for a second or two.

However, for now while it’s fresh, it’s important to let yourself dwell. Just don’t dwell too much that you dive into a depression.

Listen to the CD she made you; watch your favorite movies, or go through the photo album from summer. Mourn your match made in best friend heaven and then move on.

Like any post-breakup, it’s smart to get busy and put yourself out there to meet new faces.

You’ve just been offered all the time in the world to focus on you and your hobbies.

I know, everything has changed and change sucks but think of all the new opportunities available.

There had to be things you weren’t able to do because she didn’t like to do them. I’m sure there were places you’ve always wanted to go but she hated the idea. Now, sky’s the limit.

Take the time to get to know some of your acquaintances; you never know who you’ve been missing by focusing all these years around a one woman support system. Call up a group you used to have fun with and plan a get-together.

What’s lost is always found in one form or another, just because this friendship has fizzled doesn’t mean you’re doomed to deal with a friendless future.

The key to moving on is optimism so put some positive thinking to the test.

Tell yourself the truth, “I’m going to be just fine” and remember what they say, “this too shall pass.”