Loneliness is a nasty emotion to overcome. Struggling to prevail over bouts of need, want and desire is difficult to achieve alone, especially when you recently broke it off with a boyfriend.
As human beings and loving creatures, our innate nature tells us to run back to our exes when we feel lonely and desire to be loved. Though climbing back to our former lover seems rather tempting, this action is highly irrational and volatile. Pining over an ex because one’s “loneliness” overrides a person’s pride is asking for another session of heartbreak and tears.
Going back to an ex is 10 times more dangerous when you have sudden urges of friskiness. Any sensuality one could be feeling should not be expressed with an ex. The outcome could be potentially disastrous. Besides, any act of sensuality with a former lover is based on one’s need to fulfill their lust and desire for intimacy.
When you have been single as long as I have and rejection is second nature to you, jumping up on the old ex train is as every day as taking a shower (well, for some people). Loneliness and comfort are the reasons most people go back to former lovers.
The feelings that arise from the affection of an ex lover – a sense of love and longing -can be addictive, especially when you have hit a dry spell, as far as the dating scene is concerned.
Now, if one is considering returning to an ex for a session of unacquainted love, mull over these five reasons why one should never go back to a former lover.
1. Attempting to work things out with an ex after numerous breakups never works. You will likely get back together and break up again. It is a vicious cycle. Trust that the only reason you both keep running back to each other is because no one else is interested in dating either of you.
2. Comfort is an ugly creature. A couple is likely to jump back into a relationship and risk putting each other through the ringer for a second time because establishing a fresh bond with a new mate is difficult and tedious. Knowing every significant and insignificant detail of another human being and loving his or her character traits is difficult to get over.
3. A play with emotions. Unless, one is cold, heartless and stoic, most people after a break up still have feelings for the person he or she just ended a relationship with. So jumping back into a relationship with some one that could quite possibly no longer have feelings for you will result in heartbreak.
4. Problems from the past always resurface and one begins to remember why he or she originally broke off the relationship with that person.
5. Dating an ex who still has feelings for you when you do not have feelings for him or her is wrong and hurtful. Using an ex to fulfill sexual desires will result in that person feeling betrayed. It is bad news, and no fun.
Instead of getting into another relationship with an ex because you feel lonely and need to be desired, go out with friends and grab a cup of joe. You never know who you might meet.
Veronica Rocha can be reached at managing@csun.edu.
