No doubt about it, we are adults. We’re not even young adults. We’re simply – adults. We drive, we vote (or at least we can), we work, we pay bills, and do lots more adult stuff.
We also get our feelings hurt, don’t we?
Even though we are not children anymore and we’re not afforded the same consideration that children are, do not suppose that we are now resilient to mean people.
It’s funny, kids will say, “You hurt my feelings,” and everyone knows what they mean. If an adult were to say that, someone would probably get a few weird and confused looks that express the thought, “What do you mean, I hurt your feelings?” or, “What are you – eight years old?”
Adulthood certainly brings about responsibility. However this responsibility in turn makes us feel as though we should be able to handle anything; as grownups we should be strong and mature. So, when someone says something hurtful, we do not immediately react the way we should by telling them how we feel. Mostly, we won’t say anything at all because we think the mature thing to do is revert to the just take it and get over it mentality that the “real world” requires.
We ignore our feelings and the feelings of others because we think that as adults we have to make it in this world. It’s a harsh world, right? No one is going to care about the way you feel. So deal with it.
How horribly sad is that? How sad is it that we’re just supposed to complacently inherit the idea that the world and everyone in it is insensitive?
Perhaps one of the reasons our world is so desensitized is because we all believe no one cares and no one should care about one another’s emotions. Yet, when it comes to the children and youth of our society, we all wish for a better world for them to live in, because they are young, innocent, and don’t deserve to be hurt. Well, neither do adults!
It does not matter that we are not as young and not as innocent, because we as adults have feelings, too! We try to pretend it’s something else by saying things like, “They upset me,” or “They bothered me,” or even, “I’m fine.” Just say it already! “They hurt my feelings! That’s not cool!”
Likewise, before you say or do something that you know might hurt the feelings of others, think it over. After all, it is called “The Golden Rule” for a reason, and good reason at that. We learned that rule at some point growing up, but ruled it out, I suppose, when we grew up.
I think the only times in our adult lives that we’re excused for having feelings and being hurt, are the times of heartache. Broken hearts are understandable and acceptable.
However, we might be looked down upon, thought of as behaving childishly, or even regarded as being weak if we feel distressed over anything else.
We might especially be thought less of if we admit to being bothered by hurtful words. Sticks and stones, the saying goes, right? Actually, I’ve always really disliked that saying. Words hurt indeed! Just as words can inspire and encourage, words can hurt. As adults, we should articulate the way we feel as opposed to portraying that we feel nothing at all.
When we transitioned from childhood to adolescence and finally became adults, no where along the way did we have to forfeit our humanity? It is characteristics such as feelings that make us human.
Jen Balao can be reached at jlb72340@csun.edu.
