Ingredients of college students with healthy relationships

Jessyca Dewey

There are arguably a few things in this world that we all want. We all want shelter, love and nourishment. And we all want sex, especially us college students.

Well, that is to say that most of us want sex. Some of us are getting too much. You see them exhausted and bedraggled in the 8 a.m. classes, some with peculiar “curling iron” burns along the collar region, perhaps a few scratches here and there. Then there are those that may have a significantly low sex drive ? These are more difficult to spot. And then, there are most of us.

And by that, I mean those of us who are very busy checking each other out on campus and flirting with anyone whom we find at least partially meets our standards. And by “standards” I mean, they are of the right sex and sexual orientation. The “standards” often end there.

Believe it or not, however, some people have standards that are higher than this. These people adhere to high standards and, although they may falter here or there, this is a very admirable thing. While some of us college students are just looking for someone who is sitting next to us in class who is good looking, or even mildly good looking in many cases, these people are quite serious about who they will and will not date. Okay, so dating is a loose term. Try replacing it with “screw.”

This, really, is quite cool.

It seems, however, that a lot of college students think this is not at all cool. The common perception seems to be that if you are at all attractive, you either have a boyfriend or there is something wrong with you and if you haven’t had sex, there is something way more wrong with you.

But this isn’t necessarily true. People choose not to have sex all the time, attractive or not. Many of these people are driven by religious motive and, make fun of them as you may, this really is a smart decision for reasons other than the fear of God’s mighty wrath.

For one, who the hell wants to have kids in college? You’ve heard your mom and dad beg you not to get pregnant until you’re married and, if you’re anything like me, you laughed at them or rolled your eyes. Well, guess what folks, this is one of those “we-are-more-mature-now-and-our-parents-were-right” moments.

But beside the old and worn STD and pregnancy “abstinence is the way” argument, have we ever considered the emotional side effects that have the ability to wreak havoc on our relationships post random sexual encounters?

According to research, premarital sex leads to psychological effects such as emotional distress, distrust, regret and emptiness. But if you don’t want to take the research seriously, look at some of your friends.

Many of us know a girl or a guy who is in an unhealthy relationship, whether there be abuse involved or simply that the relationship just isn’t right for the two people involved. These people, who have most often had sex, are generally so emotionally tied to each other that they can’t bring themselves to get out of the relationship.

Then think about relationships where there hasn’t been sex involved and how easy it is to see the major flaws and escape before there is fear of harm. When there isn’t sex involved, the individuals in the relationship seem to be able to see the relationship much more clearly.

A main argument among us is that, in order to be good in the sack, we have to have a lot of practice. And, while I’ll admit that there may be some truth to this, I feel that there is a point between “experienced” and just downright dirty. I personally prefer not to date a walking STD.

Besides the “dirty factor”, which of us, especially women, want our partner to have had tons of other partners? One has to wonder if, among those 200 other sexual encounters, our significant other has come across a few partners whose sexual prowess we cannot surpass. No one wants to feel as if they are second best and no one wants the partner they love and care about to feel as if they are so.

In order to avoid sounding like your mother, I’ll end this way. Sex is amazing. I whole-heartedly encourage it but maybe, in this encouragement, we should step back and reconsider our opinions of those who do not take part in it.

Maybe our perception of them is wrong. Maybe they are attractive. Maybe they are hot. Maybe they are just smart.