I was recently having a conversation with my cousin about how jealous women can be towards each other.
She said every woman is in competition with another woman at some point in their life.
When I heard this, I thought that must be the explanation for the jealousy ocurring between women.
Competition is the key word here. We have all witnessed it. Women putting each other down to make them self feel or look better.
But the question arises as to why they do it.
As I turned on the TV, to do research on this topic I changed the channel to VH1 and there it was, reality dating at its finest. I came across the show ‘For the Love of Ray J.” Bingo.
Anyone can see the theme surrounding most of these pathetic excuses for reality TV dating, is women competing against one another to win the heart of one man.
Other examples would be ‘The Bachelor,’ or for you rockers out there, ‘Rock of Love.’
Can anyone see the big picture here? Women plus women equals competition.
Where does this innate sense of competition come from?
All women have the same biological make-up. Sure some may be fuller than others or better at certain things, but is that the excuse for making someone else feel so uncomfortable that they wish they were invisible sometimes?
Men don’t seem to have this problem. Why is it women seem to have such a major affect on each other? According to Cheryl Dellasega, a psychologist and author of ‘Girl Wars: Twelve Strategies that Will End Female Bullying,’ at an early age girls manifest an orientation on relationships that continues throughout life. Women view the world through the lens of relationships, and solve problems by figuring out how both they and those around them will be affected. Adolescent girls discover who they are through those they know.
Rachel Simmons, best-selling author of the book ‘Odd Girl Out’ said when girls are faced with this type of out-casting, they shut down and become quiet and depressed.
Simmons said in an article for ‘Sugar and Spice’ published by the National Education Association, psychologists are now labeling this as a form of bullying known as social or relational aggression. It could be looked at as a sort of ‘psychological warfare’ among school-aged girls.
This form of bullying she is referring to damages a girl’s self-esteem and ultimately their social status.
Simmons further mentions that a girl views the world through her relationships with others. In other words, a girl’s behavior towards other girls is a result of the types of relationships she has developed throughout her life.
Even amongst my own friends and I that are now in our 20s, I notice if one of us is harsh on a woman or group of women, because of the relationships we have developed, our friends act harshly towards them.
To tie all this information, let’s go back to the shows I mentioned on VH1. As a society we are putting women in situations that create the jealousy and animosity between women because it provides entertainment and produces ratings. Like Simmons mentions, it feeds off that aggression and ultimately hinders the wealth and growth of women.
In other words, it places women in second place on the race track we call life and holds them there, never allowing any kind of upward mobility.
Teen and tween advocate, author and creator of the Web site ‘Smart Girls Know,’ Deborah Reber said jealousy comes in all forms, shapes and sizes.
However, what is so amazing about Reber is she puts it into terms that we can understand. Your jealous feelings aren’t about somebody else. They are about you.
She is basically saying that all the cattiness needs to stop. Women need to take the time to really ask themselves if they are feeling this way because there is something about themselves they are unhappy with. I know it must sound more like a Dr. Phil clich’eacute;, but this needs to happen.
Women need to celebrate how different we are rather than waste time on thinking about how to make ourselves look better for others because, in the end, the only one that looks bad is you.
