The student media organization of California State University Northridge

Daily Sundial

The student media organization of California State University Northridge

Daily Sundial

The student media organization of California State University Northridge

Daily Sundial

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If you like Mr. Gramps, get a load of Mrs. Gramps

Mrs. Gramps here to try to give you kiddies some real advice. Now, this past month, Mr. Gramps has been walking around our mobile home as though he is too hot for his britches.

Apparently, with his weekly columns he’s been writing, he has saved up enough money to frequent the bingo room. Now, I don’t mind I mean, it gets him away from me a little longer, but the advice he has been giving shows he is off his rocker. You know, he is one sandwich short of a picnic. So, knowing that, I tell him, “Cut the crap!” and let ole’ Mrs. Gramps do the advising.

Dear Mrs. Gramps: I have been with my girlfriend for almost six months and it seems that whenever she asks me a question about how she looks, I never seem to have the response she wants. What is the correct response to “Do I look fat?”

Signed, Clueless about women

Oh, you youngsters these days and your pesky problems! I remember when I was going with that old fart Mr. Gramps back in the 30s, my biggest worry was how I was going to get out of marrying that pain in my side.

Now, you come to me with your biggest problem being what to tell your gal when she asks you if she looks fat. Tell her that back in my day, a girl was a real beaut if she had an extra 20 or 30 pounds on her. Tell her that a little weight wouldn’t kill her. If she doesn’t like that answer, then lose her. I mean, it’ll be worth it in the end. Learn from me and don’t hold onto spare baggage.

Dear Mrs. Gramps: I am currently a junior at CSUN, and my boyfriend recently proposed marriage to me. I am having difficulty maintaining my studies and planning the wedding. Do you have any advice for me?

Signed, Busy but in love

What in the samhill are you doing getting hitched so young? You have a lifetime to be miserable and married. Save yourself a whole lotta trouble and heartache and stay single. If only I had someone to warn me about getting married to that oxygen thief of a husband of mine, I would have saved myself from years of torment.

If you don’t take my advice, at least follow these words and don’t waste all your money on an event that will only last one day, and that you will regret for the rest of your God-forsaken life.

Dear Mrs. Gramps: My wife and I have only been married for about a year, and it seems as though she keeps nagging me more and more as time goes on. I don’t know how to react to this. Can you help?

Signed, Heading toward divorce

Oh, you bird-brained men these days! You think that just because a woman gives you a little guidance that she is a nag. You men are dead from the head up. Don’t you know that all you have to do is get your lazy self up and do something for a change and that will pipe down her nagging. If that doesn’t work, I don’t know what to tell you except to do like me and pretend you have a hearing problem.

Well kids, Mrs. Gramps is tired now. I’m going to go take a rest and take my teeth out so I won’t have to talk to that old bag ‘o’ bones Mr. Gramps. If you have any problems and you want the real answers, write me an ole’ letter or send one of those electronic thingamajiggers.

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