Fear of loneliness causes loveless relationships

Melissa Chua

It has come to my realization just recently that there are plenty of people in relationships who lack love for each other or even the interest, whether it is physical or emotional.

Some people wonder why they are even with that person, yet they don’t do anything about their doubts. They simply accept how things are and co-exist under the titles “girlfriend” and “boyfriend.”

Others have been in the relationship for a few months or maybe a couple of years, so the comfort level is obviously there, but things have been hitting every rocky road. The problems keep on coming, and no resolutions or positive changes are being made. The relationship is doomed to fail. Everyone around them and perhaps the two people in the relationship know it. But these same people are still together.

Why do they stay in these loveless, so-called relationships? Some stay because it’s comfortable and secure. They don’t like change.

Others endure the lifeless union because of loyalty to the other.

Maybe one person realizes he or she is not in love with the other but does not have the heart to break it off. The reasons go on, but I think one of the main reasons for these fake relationships is the fear of being alone, which is sometimes referred to as monophobia. The fear of loneliness is very common. Nobody wants to be single. They’d rather be in a loveless or meaningless relationship than have to say, “Table for one, please.”

I do not blame these people because our society has made it perfectly clear that it is better to be in a relationship than be single. Pairs get better deals with almost anything. Buy two get one free, or buy two for the price of one as opposed to buying one for the regular price. There are always special couples’ prices in various recreational or entertainment situations such as restaurant deals and hotel or travel accommodations. Single people are even forced to pay more in taxes, so economically, being single can put a dent in your wallet!

Nonetheless, single life definitely has its perks. As a single woman myself, I embrace the fact that I am not attached. I do not have to deal with all of the drama people in relationships face, such as jealousy, double standards, hypocrisy or physical and emotional pain. Granted, there are issues single people face as well, such as feeling important, validated, or even lovable despite the current single status.

I am aware no couple is perfect but there is a fine line between constant bickering that just sounds mean and genuine disgust for each other! Some people don’t belong together, yet they are constantly forcing a relationship with the other.

My point is I would like people in relationships to look at themselves and their partners and honestly evaluate whether they are together for the right reasons. By the right reasons, I mean: Does she or he make you happy? Is the distribution of giving and taking equal? And simply, but importantly, do you romantically care for the person?

One of the ultimate goals in life is happiness. Why would you settle for someone mediocre when the right person who can make you so much happier could be out there? Sometimes you need to take a risk to feel the rush of real love. I think love is worth it. Don’t you?

There is nothing wrong with being single. Being unattached allows more time and freedom for personal growth. Alone time is necessary every now and then because it instills independence, which I think is an essential life tool. Oftentimes, people in relationships get so caught up in the other person that they lose parts of themselves that once defined them. Being single permits an individual to focus more on her or his goals and dreams without any hesitations a relationship may provoke. Also, when you are single, you are not completely alone because you still have your friends. Sometimes friends can make you feel as happy as a boyfriend or girlfriend can. Being single gives you quality time with your closest friends.

Do not get me wrong. There are many days I wish I had a significant other. However, I would rather be single and dependent on myself rather than have even a slightest reliance on a guy to determine how happy I am or can be.

Life is too short to waste your time on empty relationships. Life should be enjoyed, and if you want to share it with someone romantically, make sure that person makes you happy.