Some say that the Roman Empire was a victim of its own weight, that the Empire added holiday after holiday, heaped fest upon fest, until citizens spent more time festing and resting from festing than taking care of the matters at hand. The Senate was always out of session, or hung over. Public governance lost its forward momentum. The party-every-day culture led to a breakdown of social mores, until every citizen became unconcerned with the fate of his fellow man, and craved only the next feast. Commerce broke down. Enlightenment retreated.

Finally, the mighty Empire limped to its finish, a broken beast undone by its own excess.

People tell this as a cautionary tale, warning against excess. Holidays added to the calendar are contrary to progress. They warn of creeping laxitude, and the ruin it invariably brings.

I, for one, respectfully disagree.

First, because I think the Visigoths had something to do with that whole Roman-Empire-falling thing. And second, because I subscribe to the theory that everyone loves a good party. And no one parties like the Mex and the Micks!

And so it comes to pass that this year shall see a new holiday added to the calendar: El doce de Patrick! Strategically located on the calendar on April 12, El doce de Patrick splits the difference between St. Patrick’s Day and El Cinco de Mayo, and celebrates the best aspects of both Mexican and Irish culture.

What are those aspects, you may ask? Well, we both work cheap. And we like beer.

El doce de Patrick is conceived by myself and fellow Sundial wage-slave (without the wages) Gabriel Ivan Orendain-Necochea. For those who may be wondering, yes, we do have the authority to launch a new official holiday. Few people know that in my civilian life, I’m actually a special attaché for whiskey-related matters with the Irish consulate. Gabriel is the Mexican’s government’s envoy to the U.S. in beer and dice-game considerations. Between the two of us, yes, we can start a new holiday. And probably gay-marry you, or at least give you a fishing license. We wield immense administrative clout, and have decided to finally use it for a good purpose.

Some of you may wonder what connection there is between the Mexicans and the Irish. Did I mention we both like beer? Well, there is that. There’s also St. Patrick’s Battalion. The Battalion was a group of Irish-Americans who, fed up with rampant discrimination against Catholics in America at the time, deserted the U.S. Army circa 1846 and joined forces with Mexico in the Mexican-American War. To this day, the Battalion is celebrated in Mexico, their members hailed as great heroes. Some in the U.S. would call the Battalion traitors. I call them guys looking for tequila. El doce de Patrick will bring the brave Battalion back into the warm embrace of American culture. For drinking and stuff.

’Cause that’s what we’re all about! El doce de Patrick is a multi-cultural fest! Come one, come all! That is, come one, come all…if you can find us. Just like the coolest clubs out there, there’s no name above our door. You have to be tapped into the cool, the very spirit of Sainted Patrick flowing through your veins, to find us. But the cognoscenti will know. If you are of the spirit, you will know.

So on April 12, put your MexiMick antenna in the air! We’ve secured a small venue on campus. Look for the signs and follow them. A Leprechaun in a sombrero? Perhaps. A mariachi band playing harps and pennywhistles? Maybe. An eagle perched on a cactus growing out of a pot of gold? Possibly.

A splendid time is guaranteed for all. Music by the Dropkick Lobos. Be there.

—Jim McLauchlin can say “Erin go Bragh” and “¡Viva Mexico!” out of both sides of his mouth at once. Ladies, that’s a talent you should get to know!