Grammy awards go to the usual nominees

Spencer Kilgore

The 55th Annual Grammy Awards is only three days away, meaning there’s no better time to reflect on some of the most popular, confusing, and absent nominees.

Believe it or not, there’s actually some good news (some very good news). One Direction and The Beibs himself, by some stroke of destiny, both miraculously avoided a single nomination in any category.

Though amazing, yes, the exclusion of the hardly-pubescent teeny-bopping boy wonders is without a doubt counterbalanced by two of the most annoying, YouTube-parodied, ear-raping tracks of 2012. Low and behold, “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together” (Taylor Swift) and “Call Me Maybe” (Carlie Rae Jepsen) both made the cut to everyone’s dismay and nobody’s surprise.

What is really pathetic, however, are the rap nominees. Contrary to what Kanye West and the rest of mediocre generica thinks, his music isn’t perfect. It’s actually far from it. What’s even less perfect is the clusterf*** of nominated artists associated with him by some degree–Jay Z (“Niggas in Paris”), Drake (“HYFR”), 2Chainz (“Based on a T.R.U Story”), Rihanna (“Talk that Talk”) and Flo Rida (“Wild Ones”). It’s hard to imagine them being recognized as the best of anything. But no, they are all nominees for the best rap album, best rap song or best rap/sung collaboration. It doesn’t seem like a joke either.

The prerequisite for this category this year seems to be having absolutely no rhythm, no skill and grade-school rhymes. The only nominated rap artist worthy of a Grammy, coincidentally, is one of few that doesn’t seem to have any connection with the Kanye. Lupe Fiasco. Although his “Food & Liquor II: The Great American Rap Album” may not be the pinnacle of American rap albums, it’ll do over the others. But it’s the only nominated album worthy of the win.

The “Best Dance Recording” and “Best Dance/Electronica Album” categories include the expected Deadmau5, Chemical Brothers, Swedish House Mafia and Kaskade. and have surely infuriated the EDM nation. But the former From First to Last front man Sonny Moore (A.k.a. Skrillex) is well deserved in making the cut in both categories (regardless of how undanceable dubstep seems to be) with his Transformers-gasm 2011 EP and title track “Bangarang.” He’s not only a genius for recognizing the EDM surge in America early on and shifting with the market. Essentially, he is responsible for transforming an entire generation of self-loathing emos into a generation of peace-loving, unity-respecting, dubstep freaks (clearly the lesser of two evils).

The single-most frustrating part of this year’s Grammys, however, is how “Gangnam Style” managed to stay off the Recording Academy’s radar completely. PSY’s anti-American banter surfacing at the peak of his popularity is surely to blame for that, but being the artist behind YouTube’s most viewed video of all time apparently doesn’t mean a thing. Sure, he may be a one-hit-wonder (or one-trick-pony), but that didn’t stop Gotye’s “Somebody I Used to Know” from being nominated for record of the year and best pop duo/group performance of the year. It didn’t even stop Fun. from racking in the nominations of numerous categories with their uninspired radio hit “We Are Young” and their mediocre (at best) album “Some Nights.”

In reality, whoever walks off stage with that cheap miniature gramophone statue doesn’t have much to brag about considering the low standards the Grammys have come to hold themselves to over the years. But look on the bright side, maybe LMFAO’s hiatus will be permanent and this will be the last time they wiggle their way into a nomination.