‘G.I Joe: Retaliation’ was dull, as expected

Spencer Kilgore

The blockbuster based on Hasbro Toys’ action figures that is “G.I. Joe: Retaliation,” in theaters tomorrow, March 28, is almost guaranteed to mind-numbingly help it’s viewers forget any and all similarly recent terrible-movie experiences by offering nothing more or less than what one would expect from the sequel of its predecessor; computer-generated imagery (CGI), explosions, and a muscular, sexy cast.

Starting off with the G.I. Joes patrolling their camp, they are ambushed by an onslaught of helicopters firing explosive rounds-a typical start to your average Hollywood action flick. The Joes go on to discover that it was a planned ambush by their own government; they’ve been set up for termination. For the remainder of the film, they set out to uncover why they’re own president wants them ousted and how to stop him from destroying the world one metropolis at a time.

There are no unexpected plot twists, no deep character developments and no climatic actions that substantially exceed the opening scene’s intensity. Not much more should really be expected from director Jon Chu, who’s most popular works include “Step Up 3D” and “Justin Bieber: Never Say Never,” but with his CGI team at his side, the 3-D version of the film makes for some intense gun-battles, booming explosions and flinch-generating ninja stars.

Walking out of the theater the audience will remember the action-packed explosions and sword fights, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, digs at miscellaneous elements of pop culture and the laughs at scenes that weren’t intended to generate them.

It won’t see any critical acclaim, nobody over the age of 10 will say it’s the greatest action movie they’ve ever seen, and it won’t leave you hungry for more.

If you’re looking for a deep cinematic experience, this isn’t the place to find it. If you want to sit back and forget who you are for a couple hours, soak up the special effects and chuckle at a cameo by the RZA, then you’ve hit the jackpot.