Being a single “supermom” and learning how to balance it all

By Amber Green
February 23rd, 2010
Section: Blogs - The College Parent

The job of a single mother is the hardest job in the world. A single mother, who works full time, attends college full time and holds the job of being both mother and father to their children, should be nominated for a Supermom award.

Being a single “supermom” has its rewards but that title can also bring a lot of pressure that may not be healthy.

The daily tasks of a single mom never ends because when the kids are sleeping, a single mother keeps on going like the Energizer bunny whether it’s mentally, physically or emotionally.

Cooking, cleaning, working a full-time job, doing laundry, taking six college courses, finding time to do homework and finding time to spend with my kids are just some of the challenges I face as a single supermom.

The pressure I deal with on a daily basis sometimes drives me to a state of mental illness such as anxiety, stress and isolation. The question is how do I deal with this or how does any supermom deal with it?

I have to admit it’s very hard to find some balance in my chaotic life but it’s  essential.

Here are some tips taken from a pregnancy Web site addressing a few supermom myths out there. These tips can help me and the other hundreds of “supermoms” out there struggling with balancing our lives.

  • Don’t feel like you have to give your child everything. Feeling obligated to give your child everything will only make you feel guilty, stressed and/or like a failure in life. This will affect your role as a mother and the relationship with your child.
  • Be sure to make time for yourself. Even if its just 15 minutes a day, try to find a quiet place where you can gather your thoughts and relax. During this time, try not to think about what needs to be done. Try taking a yoga class once a week if your schedule allows it.
  • Recognize your family is the most important ingredient. I know the life of a “supermom” can get crazy but don’t get so wrapped up in it that you miss out on some of the very priceless moments of being a mom.

Now these are just a few tips that we as supermoms can follow to help balance our life. So remember there’s a tip for every demand and challenge single “supermoms” have to face. We just have to ask and look for them.

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  • http://www.playhouseskids.com Janet Reed

    Nice tips Karoline!

    Trust me, its not easy being a single parent. One of the most important aspects is good solid communication, this shall undoubtedly form a strong trust structure within a household.

    Sometimes its hard not to want to give your child everything, since going through life you may or may not have had the same oppotunities as your child. So I try to show love as often as I can, but sometimes they need the odd tuff love.

    Nice article Amber!

    Thanks

    Janet

  • Karoline Steavenson

    As a single parent of three children here are some real life tips I would like to add:

    1. Recognize that childhood will not return. In other words, your children will never be 5, 10 or 15 again so you have to make them the priority of your life because you can’t go back and spend time with them at those ages. They need you when they need you and that’s the urgency of now.

    2. Time for yourself may only mean two hours to sit down with tea and snacks and watch a movie with or without your kids. It’s not a manicure, it’s not a spa day, it’s not a trip to the mall; it’s just TIME to relax.

    3. Make lunches a week ahead and freeze what you can.

    4. Use your weekends for catching up on sleep.

    5. Keep in touch with your child’s school and teachers to try to catch problems while they are small. Sadly, it’s been my experience that some schools and teachers, especially at the secondary level, are TERRIBLE at keeping parents informed of their child’s progress. Don’t be afraid to be an advocate for your kid in these situations. Don’t be obnoxious, but do be persistent and communicate with their teachers. (This is one of my biggest complaints about schools in general. Some treat parents as if they are nothing but problems.)

    6. Find a supportive and understanding employer. (Good luck with that one by the way—most employers still will not allow their workers to have flex time or work at home when a child is sick.)

    7. Teach the kids how to work the washer, dryer, dishwasher and microwave as soon as they are old enough to learn how to run all of those appliances safely. Especially the washer and dryer.

    8. Let them take care of their own rooms. If they are messy go in once a month or so and help them really clean the place and remove anything that might be growing under the bed. ;-) You can focus cleaning the rest of the home—let them do their rooms. If they want to wear mismatched socks to school a couple of times because they have not put away their clean clothes like you told them to, at some point that is their decision.

    9. Choose your battles with your kids! Do not waste their time or yours arguing over small stuff that will not matter 40 years from now, like spotless floors or perfect hair. Choose your priorities for them and yourself and let the small stuff go as much as possible.

    10. Enjoy each other’s company and the fleeting years of childhood. It is a worn-out saying, but those years really do go oh so quickly.