Relationships Happen: Just give it up already, really

Amber Green

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OK ladies, it’s been a week and he still hasn’t called. Our gut feeling is telling us to call him again and see if he returns our phone call, but then again we don’t want to come off as a “bug-a-boo.”

The lyrics of Destiny’s Child rings  throughout the air, “I wanna put your number on the call block, have AOL make my e-mails stop, ‘Cause you a bug-a-boo, a bug-a-boo.”

We don’t want to be that person listening to that song on the other end or even worse, be assigned that ring tone by someone.

Women and men often pursue each other, but pursuing too much or too soon can turn a person off. So how do we know when to pump the brakes? It’s actually pretty easy to detect when to back off just a little.

The pursuing game usually starts off fun but the fun dissipates when the person you’re pursuing doesn’t show any type of response or emotion, it can be rather nerve racking.

I know this because I was that girl who was a nervous wreck when a guy I was pursuing didn’t respond back, after I poured out my feelings to him.

Believe it or not, guys actually like the thrill of being pursued. The problem is, women tend to overly do it. Men need time.

This guy that I liked, who I will refer to as “Chuck”, told me that he was “slightly” feeling me. Whatever that means.

And so I took that and ran with it.

We hung out quite a few times and then one day he just stopped calling. I waited a couple of days and then I called him. No answer and no call back.

So I sent him a text message telling him that I really liked him and would like to get to know him better. I went on saying how I really enjoyed the time we spent together and how he makes me laugh, you know, all that gushy stuff.

This wasn’t the first time I expressed how I felt about him. I actually repeated this to him in person as well and so did he. The feeling was mutual, well at least I thought it was.

Long story short, I never got a response back from the text message I sent.

That was my cue, stop pursuing.  Let it go.

Ladies, once we put it out there that we’re interested, step back and let him marinate in it for a while. Now, it may not be the quick response we ladies expect, but give it some time and he’ll come around, hopefully.

And if he doesn’t come around, then there are more fish in the sea to pursue.

Now don’t get me wrong, men seem to push up on women quite a bit and the men out there need to know that women get creeped out about that. So slow down and take it easy.

When do you stop pursuing? It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure it out. Here are some signs when to nip it in the bud:

  • Memorization of the number. If we can memorize someone’s number after just a week, “Baby, you’re doing too much.” This is a sure sign of overly pursuing someone.
  • They never call. Hint, hint. They could either be turned off by the “bug-a-boo” syndrome that was displayed or they could just not be that into you. So get a clue and move on.
  • They change their number. OK, this actually happened to me once and if this isn’t a big enough sign, then make an appointment to see a psychologist. Obviously they changed their number for a reason. In my case, I was doing too much.
  • “I like you but…” This sentence usually goes a little something like this: “I like you but I don’t like you like that.” Or, “I like you but I see you as a brother or sister.” Hearing those words are like stabbing someone in the heart and then taking it out. This is another one of those hints/signs that screams STOP PURSUING.
  • “Let’s just be friends”. This one is a classic. We have all heard this one before. This is the cue to stop putting so much emphasis on calling this “friend” everyday. Friends call each other every other day, so take heed and be just that, a friend.

This list of signs could go on forever but these five tend to be the ones that stick out like sore thumbs. I know the game of pursuing can leave one feeling frustrated, irritated, and an emotional wreck.

But the trick to winning this game of pursuit is to know when to stop pursuing and how to do it in a way to where both parties can at least remain friends. It’s about giving each other space to miss one another, to think about one another and mutually want to pursue one another.

Knowing when to stop pursuing takes practice and lets just say I’ve had a lot of practice. Experiencing each and every one of those signs listed above is only preparation for when the RIGHT one comes along.

If the pursuing game is headed to destruction, just remember the words of R&B singer Paula DeAnda, “Baby am I doing too much.”