The student media organization of California State University Northridge

Daily Sundial

The student media organization of California State University Northridge

Daily Sundial

The student media organization of California State University Northridge

Daily Sundial

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Having a relationship with relationships

A temporary separation may sound appealing to couples grappling with relationship issues, but experts say in most cases, it is ineffective. (Peter Bernik/Fotolia/TNS)

Romantic relationships play a big role in creating the life that they envision for themselves. As we begin to get older, we start to put more thought and effort towards finding that significant other. We begin to think about what type of parter we are looking for, and who we see ourselves wanting to spend the rest of our lives with.

According to data collected from the Pew Research Center, the average age a woman gets married in California is 27, whereas in men, it’s 29. Individuals today are waiting longer to get married, and are therefor, dating more people and putting more thought into their potential life partner.

As we begin to date more frequently, we start to subconsciously form a type of individual that we are attracted to. Yet, perhaps it is those very same characteristics that attract us that are making the relationship not working out.

As I’m sure many have experienced, the more you date, the more you discover that you’re essentially attracting the same person over and over again, and you are still compromising on what you actually want from a relationship. So how do we shift our subconscious desires and attract the person that we have been looking for?

To begin with, it is essential to understand what a relationships is. Before a person can enter into a relationship with another human being, they must first create a very intimate relationship with relationship itself. It’s very important to be clear with yourself about what you want, who you are and what you are committed to create.

First, create a list. Begin the list by authentically writing down your own qualities. Write down what you’re most proud of about yourself, what makes you happy, what makes you sad, what you’re afraid of and what you’re biggest insecurities are. Create a clear understanding of who you are.

Then write down what you need and want in a relationship, your expectations, how you need to be treated, how you feel loved and appreciated, if you want children and when would you want to have those children.

Now write down the qualities that you are looking for in a partner, such as, family orientated and involved in volunteer work.

Finally, write down things in the relationship that are nonnegotiable, such as, he must want to have kids, or he must have a job.

Now for the hard part, applying all of your wants, needs and worthy expectations to your dating life. Date with intention, be clear with the person about your needs and expectations right away.

Share with them your vision for your life and what you are looking for in a partner. If the person you’re on a date with his lacking in the qualities you are looking for, swiftly say goodbye, no matter how dreamy they are.

The list that you have now created is a contract to yourself, one that you get to honor. Once you show value and worthiness towards understanding your desired relationship, your relationship will consist of worthiness and value.

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