Examining the role blow jobs play in relationships

Intimacy is one of the most important factors in a relationship.  Being able to have sex with your partner and enjoying it is one of the key parts to have a successful relationship.

Foreplay is another important part in the beginning phases of having sex.  One of the things that seems to be certain is men love receiving a blow job during foreplay.  Some women enjoy giving one, others hate it, and some do it just to make their partner happy.

What boggles the minds of most men is why some women don’t like giving blow jobs.

My boyfriend and I have been together for over four years and in that time I have only given him a blowjob once.  I feel that a woman should not have to be pressured into something they don’t want to do.

There are a few reasons why I have a problem with performing felatio.  One, I was always afraid of swallowing. Another reason is if the man doesn’t like the way you’re doing it.  Sometimes it smells funny down there and often the area is a little hairy.

Photo Illustration by Caitlin McCarrick / Staff Photographer
Photo Illustration by Daily Sundial

Recently my boyfriend has been pressuring me into giving him a blow job.  He feels I should because we’ve been together for so long.  If it escalates to a point where I would need to consistently say no, I feel it would damage our relationship.

As a man he feels if I love him I should do anything to make him happy.  Apparently most men feel the same way.  They think their significant other should do it because it makes them happy.

Women are so pressured by their significant other to do this act that they forgo their own feelings toward it and do it anyway, merely for their partner’s happiness.

Ricardo Landeros, 29, has never broken up with a woman because she would not give him a blow job, but has pressured a woman into giving him one.  He says that women need a little more persuasion when it comes to blow jobs.  Landeros believes that it’s all talk from women because eventually they’ll do it.




“Sometimes women say that they don’t want to do it because they think it’s wrong,” said Landeros. “I think that women don’t give blow jobs because they don’t like the taste.  But you’ll be surprised at how many people don’t mind swallowing.”

Daniel Cisneros, 20, has a different point of view on the issue.  He has never pressured a woman into giving a blow job.  He says that it came up many times, but it was never a task for them.

“To me some women like to give blow jobs because it is a satisfying pressure for them, and others simply don’t because they’re just not into that kind of stuff,” said Cisneros.

Fanny Cano, a junior at CSUN, has been with her boyfriend for over a year.  She has only been with one person sexually and feels that sex is an emotional connection.

Because of that, she feels that giving her boyfriend a blow job is not a connection.  Though Cano’s boyfriend has never pressured her into giving him one, she has attempted to.

“I’ve tried once for like five seconds and it was not my style,” said Cano.  “It just seems wrong to me.”

Jessica Medina, a 20-year-old CSUN student, has been with her boyfriend for over two years and feels sex is a great thing and a very important part of the relationship.

Medina has never been pressured into doing anything that she has not wanted to do, including giving a blow job.  Medina likes giving her boyfriend blow jobs because she wants to satisfy him.

Being intimate with your partner shouldn’t be about feeling forced into pleasing the other.  The person, in this case the girlfriend, should want to please.

To see a special statement from the editorial board regarding comments posted about this story, see here.

  • pj

    I found this on an online search. Its difficult to gather varying opinions of women on this topic (I’m a woman myself). In my case, I found what I was looking for.

  • Asi

    I liked the topic but I thought the story as a whole could be written a lot better. Repetitive and a bit boring at times. If you want to write about oral sex or sex in general read Cosmo or watch Sex in The City episodes. They have ways of talking about sex that doesn’t cause the reader or viewer to be alarmed but entertained. The fact that this article was pretty badly written instead of being charming and funny makes it seem almost trashy (even though it isn’t).

    Hope this helps.

  • Kindahuge

    Let’s be honest here… four years and only ONE blowjob, Amber? You frankly owe your boyfriend hundreds simply for having the gentle nature and patience to put up with that. Are blowjobs the only important factor in a relationship (even a heavily physical one)? Of course not, but they’re one of the highest forms of love a woman can show a man that she loves. To those that think it’s unnatural, they really need to re-examine how it works, because it’s not. There are many women out there who love doing it and understand it’s an easy way to keep their guy happy for long periods of time, and there’s something a blowjob can do for a man that ordinary intercourse sometimes doesn’t accomplish as well. It boils down to this: A guy SHOULD stay with a girl he loves either way, but if a girl loves her man, she’s going to give him oral sex, and that’s a two way street. If they refuse, they don’t love you. Disagree if you want, but you’d be wrong to do so : )

  • MW

    In general, I think that it is not necessarily the subject matter but the way that the article was written that makes it so ridiculous. I am rather embarrassed that this article was published in my school’s newspaper. I know that the Sundial is attempting to be more controversial, but can we at least give it an intellectual effort? Sorry, Amber, but you are not a good writer in the slightest, and to make it worse, you picked a topic that is very easy to make tacky and trashy. You succeeded in making it both. The reactions to the publishing of this article are not about any sort of prudish hesitations, but instead due to the tasteless manner in which the article was done. Perhaps this is not so much the writer’s fault as the editor’s, who should certainly have red-flagged it immediately upon reading it. There is a bit too much personal information and detail, and it significantly lacks any sort of relevant information. We know that there are girls who enjoy giving blowjobs and girls who don’t, and that there are men who pressure women to do so and men who don’t. We have (many of us) experienced it in our personal lives at some point and perhaps even discussed it with other people while in an informal setting. The manner with which the topic was discussed and the blatant disregard for taste, decency, any quality research or relevant POINT is, indeed, appalling. Also, when leaving a comment on a forum such as this (an educational/hopefully professional/hopefully serious journalism site, please at least have the decency to use spellcheck and organize your thoughts in an eloquent manner. Otherwise, what could be totally relevant opinions are going to be immediately overlooked.

  • philly cheesesteak

    Can anybody float me the name of the female CSUN Vocal Major who has appeared in a few pornos?

    • Elementary

      gross, this is not a public pervert forum, use craigs list instead.

  • BS

    rude

  • JS

    Hey don’t stop this column! I want to suggest that the next topic should be about anal sex. It would give Amber the opportunity to tell us about her experiences just like she did in the bj story!

    • Reply to JS

      Although I know you’re being sarcastic, I honestly think the a column on anal sex would be interesting.

      I read the article the day it came out in the paper. I am surprised at how people are reacting negatively to this. It’s a relevant article for college students.

  • Jennifer

    I think that the article was great, and thinking that the idea was disgustion or “appaled” was a little junior high. Sex is everywhere and people should just accept the fact. I actually liked the article because it showed how it is ok not to give blow jobs in a relationship, it gave opinions and everybody can express what ever they feel. I give props to Amber, she did a great job.

  • Aston

    don’t like the story? flip the page…

  • Emin

    Awesome article

  • Sam

    All I have to say is, whether you agree with this article or not, opinion articles are some of the most interesting thing in the Sundail.

    To disagree with it is okay, but to say “I will never read the Sundail again” because of this article…. is ridiculous.

  • sports editor’s girlfriend

    People need to cool it with the Daily Sundial. It’s not the whole paper thats bad ( not saying this article was bad but should have published it a different day) The Daily Sundial has many skilled writers! The sports section is the best! Maybe i dont agree with some of his stories like the most recent one about his prediction that the Vikings and Chargers will go head on at superbowl….though it was still a great article!!! If you simply dont like something then dont read it!!!!! I know I dont read anything I dont want to read.
    People are such idiots and act like little elmentary kids when they hear of the word “Blowjob” Come on people grow up. We all know what blowjobs and eating a girl out is!!! Some idiots on here aren’t just getting laid!!!!
    The article was good but I do think talking about blowjobs and the metrolink accident don’t combine.

  • Billy Bob

    Free Speech???? Step up and send your opinion piece to opinion@csun.edu. I’m sure the Sundial will publish a piece if you have something to say. If you would like to see an unbiased paper then please start sending Letters to the Editor and they will published. The reason it appears to be consistently biased is because the voice of conservative, republican opposition is extremely quiet and hard to find. Please have your voice heard. And not just through comments from the Web. Just speak up and it will.

  • Yip

    D & Alonso, Right on! I’m with you! Their Tards!

    Stephanie: Kudos to you! Now that’s what I’m talking about: You made your point, gave us your opinion, even gave positive criticism and did it without bashing the author or anyone else. Well done!

    Larry: I’ve known a lot of Larry’s in my time and you sir or no Larry. You’re an idiot!
    Quit yelling…we can hear you just fine on lowercase. The reason were ignoring you should be obvious.

    • t

      “their”, you mean “they ARE”

  • Alonso

    lol you guys are all tards. OK so I agree this article could have been way better … but there’s nothing wrong with the topic. It’s not in the NEWS section, it’s not in the SPORTS section, it’s in the Life&Style section and – sadly for you, tards – it qualifies. We live in a time where this stuff happens, and just because we don’t talk about it, it’s not going to keep it from happening.

    And to the staff reporter, grow some balls (whether you’re a guy or a girl) and confront your editors if you have something to say. No one is going to kick you off the Sundial, unless you throw a fit or quit yourself. YOU are probably the biggest tard of them all.

  • Stephanie

    I thought the Sundial starting a sex talk column/section was a good idea, but now that I see the way things are starting to go I’m wondering if I thought too soon. I like reading the Sundial. It keeps me up-to-date about what’s going on at CSUN and it usually has some interesting things to read over, but this article was horrible, Amber.

    Opinions are good to have in an article, but for the article to be solely that is not interesting. At least give out pointers or argue why you think oral sex is right/wrong/intimate/not intimate/necessary/unnecessary in a relationship. You should have a general direction you want the article to go before you begin writing it. You should also know the audience you want to target. Obviously, by this article, you did not have either. Or maybe you did and you failed miserably? Either way, you need to get some writing tips.

    Another thing, some commentators pointed out that your article was placed way too close to the metrolink article and I can see how that may bug people and come off as disrespectful. It’s like having sex on a freshly plotted grave or pawning off your last marriage’s ring! Do you see how that can be deemed as disrespectful by some? It’s all about transition. Just like it’s a major part in writing, it’s also a major part when going from one story to the next. Maybe your article should have been placed a bit closer to the end of the Sundial (just for this edition).

    Hopefully the next Sex Talk articles are a lot better that this one. I really think this section could be informative and helpful, but not this way. This article was neither. Don’t do the article last-minute maybe? Have someone read it ahead of publishing time so you don’t get trashed on again (unless you deserve it again)?

    And for those who don’t like this section, don’t read it! No one’s forcing you to read it.

    Amber: yes, there is such a thing as free speech and press, but lets not try to take advantage of that now. make this section worth reading. make it interesting! make it an argumentative piece even! just don’t repeat this article’s format because it was tastelessly done. Oh yeah, and try to use non-vulgar words. We all know the vulgar terms, but printing it in a newspaper isn’t very tasteful. lets keep the smut talk to a minimum shall we?

  • Fellow student

    Yip and D,
    I have read the article and the many responses that have been written on it. An article about blowjobs is disrespectful and degrading to a college paper. Have our morals gone down so much that we talk about blowjobs freely to encourage a few readers to read about something they can read elsewhere? If you want to write an article like this, do it in a paper that is not run by the school. I have a friend who goes to SDSU and there they have a paper called the “Kuala” which is an underground paper that an article like this would generally appear in. If the paper is vulgar than put it in but have some pride in your school and some hope for humanity. Not everyone who goes to CSUN needs to bring down their morals and read such trash because some girl could not decide whether or not she wanted to swallow or give her boyfriend a blow job. Act mature and not like a teenager.

  • Larry

    ANYONE INTERESTED IN STARTING A CAMPUS NEWSPAPER THAT WRITES ARTICLES ON IMPORTANT ISSUES INSTEAD OF THIS CRAP?!?!?!?! LET ME KNOW. IM A JOURN. MAJOR AT CSUN, LETS START A NEW PAPER AT PUT THE SUNDIAL OUT OF BUSINESS!!

  • D

    I agree with Yip in that if you don’t like the material, don’t read it. The author explicitly stated her intent in the title of the article so if you’re uncomfortable reading about blowjobs, please move on to the classified section as you may find that more interesting. And why is everyone going on a witchhunt against the paper for printing the article. This is a college newspaper talking about college based issues, which blowjobs may be part of. Get off your high horses and relax. Remember the freedoms that we have in America, one being the freedom of speech. Amber has chosen to express her freedoms on this topic which she personally is standing behind.

    Please move on if your moral fiber just can’t handle s sex based topic like blowjobs.

  • thenwrite

    It’s a class. You can’t get kicked out of a class for your opinion. Instead of being a coward, why don’t you stand behind your convictions and write an opinion piece? You know, like a journalist.

  • Yip

    What a bunch of close-minded, bigoted commentators. People this stuff happens whether you like it or not. It’s too bad the word “blowjob” offends you. It is common vernacular and it means the same thing as “oral sex”. To “Monica”: Your comment betrays your age!

    As for “Concerned Mother” , I’m sorry that you didn’t do a good enough job parenting and educating your child, if you had you would be worried that this kind of exposure would affect her. That is why we talk to our children; she is going to find out about oral sex eventually. There is no “V Chip” for life. Your over protective days are coming to an end.

    People, last time I checked this was a free county and freedom of the press exists. This gives you the right to express your opinion, as does the author. This is college and a place to learn. Critique her writing ability but never the subject of the article.

    John and Mary: Please do stop reading!

    Bob: You’re an idiot. There should be a petition to remove you from the gene pool. Just like we can’t remove you from the gene pool for being an idiot, we don’t remove the editor for publish articles on things you’ll never experience. (That’s a blowjob…for those of you that are hard of thinking!)

    Henry: I would think you would have more pressing things to worry about then bringing down the Sundial (see comments to John and Mary). They need volunteers at the crash site. Get over there and get busy; leave the commenting to the adults. Oh yeah, QUIT YELLING! I can hear you on lowercase just fine.

    Ya know this is kind of fun. I get to make the same kind of stupid moronic comments as some of you.

    Amber I will expect equal treatment. Oral sex goes both ways. You mentioned you have a BF. I expect he is a cunning linguist.

    Keep on, Keeping on!

    Cheers

    Yip!

    • Jas

      “Cunning Linguist” – LOL CLASSSSSIC

      • DHS

        You’re such a hypocrite. Stop getting on their case for having a freedom to speech. The newspaper is allowed theirs, but you failed to recognize ours. Do not critize someone for having an opinion on an article. And way to steal an Austin Powers line, you cunning thief.

  • Steve

    The Sundial has reached a new low. The article does not qualify as journalism.

  • JS

    To Amber,

    I noticed that you failed to mention whether or not you did in fact swallow when you gave your boyfriend a blowjob.

    You wrote, “My boyfriend and I have been together for over four years and in that time I have only given him a blowjob once.”

    And, “There are a few reasons why I have a problem with performing felatio. One, I was always afraid of swallowing.”

    Please clarify because inquiring minds want to know.

  • Nita

    This is my fourth year at CSUN and I have often read the paper as I am a student leader…I have had issues with the paper and its research methods and goals before. However this article was written by a shameless female and is very diminishing to our school and our mission as a large innovative public University. Its clear we are all adults (somewhat) but the issue was discussed in an inappropriate and possibly offensive manner. Sex talk is important, but this is rather trashy and should be something that the Sundial crew is ashamed of for publishing in its context. Please get some class and express your opinions in a more intellectual manner. The picture also…very demeaning to any respectful young woman…lets leave things for Playboy or the bedroom. Thank you and I will think twice about picking up the paper next week.

  • kwiksand31

    I can’t believe this was in the Sundial. I graduated in 2005 and I will never read the Sundial again. If the writer is trying to get a job in Maxim, then send in a portfolio of quality work with your application. In the mean time, the Sundial has hit a new low. Bad taste!

  • thefray

    get a life people… or better yet… get some action!

  • thefray

    chill people! what’s up with all the bitterness??? are you not getting any action???

    i applaud the writer, amber, for doing a great job!

  • Y

    Multiple articles about the tragedy of the Metrolink disaster a year ago… followed by a blow job article. Not a health article, or even a “how to” article. There are lots of reasons to run sex articles, but when the Sundial’s man reason for running this article is “it needed to be run” – tell me what exactly in here was “needed” info? The picture, the narrative style… this was like a tame, stupid version of a Penthouse Forum piece. There are better places to get porn, as well as health info. Poorly done, poorly thought out. Tasteless, tacky, and definitely less quality than we deserve at CSUN.

  • Annie O. Mous

    Yeah, following up on Monica’s comment, the author constantly goes back and forth between the term “blow job” and “blowjob.” I’d say try researching the topic next time Amber, but I don’t think that follows the research methods of the Sundial.

    Or maybe it does. I have heard people sometimes say the Sundial sucks…

    (ba-dum-cha)

  • Monica

    Whatever this article was trying to accomplish, it failed miserably. I was appalled at how many times the word blowjob came up in the article. I feel the use of crude and vulgar language like this severely impacted the goal of the article. I for one was disgusted. There is nothing wrong with writing an article about oral sex, but please refer it to it with a bit more class and taste. I expect more out of the school newspaper (emphasis on SCHOOL) and hope to not have to cringe repeatedly again when reading an article in it.

    • LOL “A BIT MORE TASTE”

    • Haley

      You’re obviously not mature enough for this article if you cringe at the sight of the word. Grow up.