Princess Jasmine’s unhappy marriage to Aladdin

Jasmine got up and looked over at Aladdin. It’s been 23 years since that magic carpet ride and they’ve had three kids, a bad mortgage, and hemorrhoids to prove it.

She gets up to start breakfast.

Pita bread with feta cheese is all they can afford to eat these days. After the collapse of her kingdom, they had to move into a one bedroom apartment shared by a family of rats. Turns out that dad wasn’t as good a financier as Jafar.

She toasts the bread over the fire and begins to hum a song she use to sing with her husband. After three kids, she doesn’t have the same effortless beauty as she once did. The curve of her slight belly grazes against the counter and the upkeep of having long hair was too difficult so she cut it off at a civilian shoulder length bob.

However, if you look closely into her eyes you can still see the glimmer of  the adventurous and outspoken girl she use to be.

Her three kids get up from bed and start to get ready for school. Sometimes Jasmine can’t help but think they turned out to be real jerks. The eldest goes around with every girl he sees and tells all of them the same story, “Yeah I’m the son of Jasmine and Aladdin, NO BIG DEAL”

Honestly she wonders where he gets it from. Probably Genie. After gaining his freedom he went on benders realizing that without the purpose to serve others he has no purpose at all.

He clumsily floats into the apartment every day at midnight stinking of booze and a pungent odor of inadequacy. He goes off on the “good ol’ days” and how he made Aladdin what he was.

Jasmine’s youngest son is also starting to show signs of being a nitwit. The other day he tried to wear Abu’s vest and fez so that he could understand “monkey talk”. It was cute when he did it as a 5 year old but he’s 15 now.

Her middle child seems to have a dark side that doesn’t relate to anyone else in the family, but that’s probably because his real father might have been Jafar. She’s not really sure.

The kids leave for school and Jasmine and Aladdin eat breakfast in silence. He’s breathing a heavy wheeze because of his massive weight gain. During their early stages in marriage he just let himself go and ate everything in sight. The radical change from being poor enough not to eat for days to being offered copious amounts of food every hour was a game changer.

Still, his boyish charm manages to attract some girls. His affairs never last more than 2 weeks, though, until he’s onto the next. Jasmine would care if she still respected him.

Jasmine, “Do you have to breathe so loudly?”

Aladdin, “I can’t help it, it’s my allergies”

Aladdin was one of those overweight people in denial about their obesity.

Jasmine, “I just can’t stand you anymore.”

Aladdin, “What are you talking about? We’re Aladdin and Jasmine! What more do you need?!”

Jasmine, “I thought you were going to show me the world! What happened to that, huh?”

Aladdin, “I took us to Disneyland three months ago!”

Jasmine, “That doesn’t even count! We have a contract with them, there’s no effort whatsoever made on your part!”

Aladdin, “Alright well we have a magic carpet we can take that anywhere. Where would you like to go, Princess Jasmine?”

Jasmine, “Don’t patronize me! You know we can’t fly on it after your weight gain!”

Aladdin, “I’m just bloated!”

He then goes into their room to dig up his old vest and pants that he wore when they first met. He squeezes one arm through the hole and it immediately rips. She lets out a loud cackle.

Jasmine, “You’re embarrassing yourself”

Aladdin throws down the clothes and storms out of the house.

“I’m going to the bar!”

Jasmine goes to their room and lays on the bed.

She thinks to herself, “If Raja was still alive, would she eat Aladdin for her?”