Despite being an institution of higher education that is tasked with producing the next generation of outstanding professionals, crimes do happen, and students commit crime.

Here is a breakdown of all the down and dirty CSUN students got caught doing last week.

Alcohol/Drug Violations:

There were only nine alcohol and drug offenses last week, down by two. It looks like students heeded the calls from last week’s crime wrap and turned down the turn up, but not by much.

Several unlucky inhabitants of the University Park Apartments were referred for disciplinary action when they were caught for both booze and drug violations throughout the week.

Another inebriant obstructed officers while running around with alcohol and in possession of “unreasonable noise”. Whatever that means.

Two students were busted for drug violations Wednesday but not charged with any crime. Isn’t it nice not to face any serious legal matters when caught by the school? Too bad the status of enrollment is up in the air when you do.

Annoying Electronic Communication:

Who can say what annoying electronic communication exactly is, but for a suspect in UPA building 2, it constitutes as something annoying. By that standard, it could count as 10 text messages in five minutes, or Facebook Farmville request, or group text. Whatever, people who do those things should get life in prison or their phone privileges revoked.

Car Crimes:

Running people over when they’re legally in the crosswalk is something Justin Bieber would do.

One dude did exactly that near Darby Street and Dearborn Street last Monday and to top it off they didn’t have insurance or a license. Someone out there must “beliebe” in you to get a license and insurance and stop nearly killing people.

On Thursday someone hit someone’s car in Parking Lot B2 and drove away without even leaving a note. This happens, and the people that do it are super lame.

In Case You Missed It: Last week’s crime blotter

Offensive Word: Work/Public Place:

It’s never a good idea to go off on a coworker using highly offensive language. One individual was arrested for such an act and on Friday and was referred to CSUN’s Student Affairs for disciplinary action. What an asshole.

But let’s play asshole’s advocate for a second. There is always that person at work that is on a new level of evil, and it takes every ounce of self discipline to not go off on them. There should be some kind of asshole-indication service or legislation that allows a fair public addressing of someone’s blaring asshole-ism. There should be an asshole app that beeps whenever a big asshole is near that gives you peaceful solutions for dealing with that asshole if interaction can not be avoided.

Theft:

Please stop stealing from each other. Someone in UPA building six stole money out of someone’s desk last Monday and there was another in theft in Sierra Hall of an unattended purse in the restroom.

And someone straight up took another person’s phone off the table next to him and walked off with it. Seriously, if there was an award for CSUN’s asshole of the week, you’d win it.

Tamper with Fire Alarm, Vandalism:

On Wednesday someone in Chaparral Hall left the water running causing flooding in three rooms.

And, someone in UPA building 3 keeps on pulling the fire alarm. They did Wednesday on the first floor and last Sunday on the third floor. Really, you’re in college and the most deviant thing you can think of to do is pull a fire alarm? You’re doing it wrong. Please read the crime log regularly for suggestions on how to better get in trouble.

For an untainted view of all the down and dirty on campus, visit the CSUN PD website at www.csun.edu/police